Top 5 Douchiest Cars

Ever been butted out of line by a douchebag at your local autoshow? What about challenged to street race? I have.

Cars do attract a fair number of douchebags, who can be seen at these infamous auto shows, or occasionally ricing around town in a modestly beffed-up Civic. The Top 5 Douchiest Cars mean which cars are the most widely known and/or liked exclusively by cocks?

You see, douchebags don't care to update their car knowledge on a yearly basis, so as a result, they fall back on cars that they only know from Need for Speed games. Otherwise, douchebags would have no knowledge of cars whatsoever. Douchebags are the antithesis of connoisseurs. They know nothing but what bodywork a car has, what color it is, that it is "cool" and their pathetic selves will never be able to afford one.

Let's find out which one's douchiest.

5. R32 Nissan Skyline

Whether it's from 2 Fast 2 Furious, or the Need for Speed series, this car is primarily sought after because of its reputation. Douchebags don't know that it's all-wheel-drive, that it has twin-turbochargers or hell, they probably don't even know that it's Japanese.

4. McLaren F1

This car probably doesn't rank as highly as it would ten years ago, when it was one of the fastest road-going production cars ever and was at the peak of its relevance to douchebags everywhere. This is because within recent years, it has virtually shifted off douchebags' UDR (short for Ultra-Douchey-Radar), which is known to recycle every two to three years and for reasons unknown, has a nasty habit of thinking about Megan Fox constantly.

3. Lamborghini Gallardo

The Lamborghini Gallardo finds itself in third place primarily because its fans are so douchey in fact, that they cannot even spell, nor pronounce its name. As a Lamborghini, it is especially to rapstars and all the douchebags who wish they were. A car is especially douchey the more recognizable it is among douchebags.

2. Lamborghini Murciélago

The Lamborghini Murciélago gets the second spot because of how recognizable it is to IQ-depleted douchebags who stop at nothing to in fact do nothing but admire its "pretty color." Notably, the Lambo is known to get into frequent car crashes by overconfident-and-not-so-skilled-celebrities-with-oversized-egos.

1. Bugatti Veyron 16.4

The undeniable victor of this is the Bugatti Veyron, for if you choose to stop at a red light, douchebags will be provoked to pant, urinate themselves and erratically take photos like a Japanese tourist seeing the Statue of Liberty. Douchebags envy this car for its top speed, know nothing about it (that it is made by Volkswagen, or that it is all-wheel-drive) other than it can hit speeds in excess of 200mph and that it has mad-dope cred among rappers, yo.

The Douche Culture

The douche culture on my floor forces the members of this highly exclusive club to speak in deep voices, and of overly masculine things, such as, their implausible exploits with women that will never come to pass.

They never shut up.

I want to go over there, and tell them;

Shut up,

Be quiet,

Could you please be more annoying?,

You are the loudest people on the floor,

No one likes you,

You're lame,

You have an ego the size of a giraffe during mating season,

The size of your muscles are not reflective of your intellect, nor your charisma.

But only when I manage the courage to tell them this will these fools realize how much I despise them.